Last night, I went out to see fireworks. It was drizzling. What really mattered was getting some great photographs of fireworks for an art project I’m working on. But, due to not feeling well and a death of a father of a friend, I didn’t prepare as well as I might. I don’t yet have one piece of equipment for my camera. I didn’t have a good flashlight, so I was kind of guessing and working in the dark. And the main fireworks display I was hoping to see was cancelled because of the rain.

Still, I went with it. I found fireworks to the south that filled my telephoto lens. I did my best to get great shots. I took over a hundred pictures, and I have a few good ones.

Most interestingly, rain and all, I enjoyed myself.

Meanwhile, the folks in the car parked next to mine didn’t sound like they were having fun. A man was spewing a stream of constant frustration at his mother about not having the fireworks he wanted. She bickered back now and then. And when she did, he jumped on her case.

On another day, it could have been the other way around. I might have been all worried and tense about my business. And a friend, ready to enjoy the moment, would invite me to the beach. I’d play with her kids, hang out with her, then spend time alone with the ocean and the sun, and let my mind go quiet. I’d return to enjoying the moment.

It doesn’t matter if we’re playing or working – last night, at the fireworks, I was doing both. When we play with our kids, we are doing the incredible work of parenting.

What does matter is: Are we here in teh moment? Are we enjoying the hell out of ourselves, come rain, or come shine?

Each of us can say Yes! to enjoying the moment. And each of us can forget and get wrapped up in our misery.

I’m committing, breath by breath, to show up and enjoy the moment.

Hope to meet you here!

As I sit here feeling my way into writing, I’m confused.

No topic is inspiring me right now.

As I stay with the lack of inspiration, wanting to write, but not knowing what to say, I relax. I grow, and my heartmind feels vast. The confusion evaporates like mist on a dry, sunny day.

And so I will write about the relationship between creativity and confusion.

• When creativity causes confusion, that is healthy.
• When we are confused, and expand to creativity, that is healing.
• When we are confused and find creative ways to stay confused, we get lost in  illness and imbalance.

Creativity Causing Confusion

The moment that led to this blog was creativity causing confusion. Creativity was stopping me dead in my tracks. I wasn’t going to get any practical work done until I did something creative. But I didn’t  know what I could create. It is as if my creative soul yelled, “STOP!”

And I stopped. I stopped, breathed, and relaxed into my creative nature. I got out of being driven. And I got creative.

So, in a moment like this, I think I’m on a clear path to getting work done. But it’s the wrong path! My creative soul knows there is somewhere more important to go. And if I listen, I stop. Then I get stuck at the crossroads – a moment of confusion. It’s like being spun around.

It’s like being spun around and turned in the right direction.

Creativity Heals Confusion

The second half of this experience, where I watched confusion evaporate like a mist, and I moved into clarity, is an experience of healing.

I’ve seen this work on illness – physical illness and emotional illness, too.

Some healing is rational. Sometimes, the right nutrition or massage or medicine or surgery – like setting a broken bone – is right on target.

But the human bodymind is very complicated. Often, true healing comes not from a rational solution alone, but from our creativity meeting our suffering.

The creativity often needs a sound rational basis. It is essential to know what is healthy, and what is toxic.

But the creative mix that is involved is personal and unique.

For example, I know of a weight loss system that includes eating one meal a week totally off your diet. Go wild and craxy on purpose and with awareness. The idea is that it is better to do that than to slip accidentally. And also, after a while, you’ll notice how lousy you feel after eating badly, and even your “bad” eating won’t be so bad. I’m not saying this is right for everyone. But the fact is, it works for some people when nothing else does.

And, for other people, it would be an idea that would cause a lot of trouble. For example, it could be an unhealthy choice for a person with a chronic infection.

This is where creativity – a willingness to experiment – and self-awareness all come in.

Let’s create our healing.

Let’s create our lives.

Creativity Lost in Confusion

There is a third mix of creativity and confusion, and it is a very unhealthy one. In fact, I’m beginning to think that it is central to the suffering in the human condition.

We are endlessly creative. That is our nature.

When we are confused, we don’t just make one wrong step. We create more and more confusion. And then we defend our creation.

I just learned that Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, refused to invent offensive weapons. He would only work on defensive items, like armor. I admire that.

But think how much money we spend – all through history, but especially in the US today – creating creative ways of killing people.

On a personal level, how many of us create unhealthy habits, then find creative ways of keeping our addictions? How many of us create misunderstandings, then get rigid about our position?

In fact, does anyone not do this?

I think we all do it.

And that’s okay. Let us accept our humanity. Let us smile peacefully to ourselves. Let us let the half-smile of Peace of the Buddha arise on our lips, silently admiring our creativity, silently shining compassion on our confusion.

And let us relax and expand in the light of that smile. Let’s let go of our confusion.

Let’s let our confusion evaporate like a thin mist in the morning sun.

I have a plan to make the whole world rich. Almost everyone in the world can get ahold of a brick, or a lump of clay. Those who can’t get that can get dirt or sand or ice. So what if we turn bricks and clay and sand and dirt and ice into gold? Not all of it – King Midas made that mistake. We’ll keep some dirt so we can grow flowers and food. But if we could turn some bricks, some clay, some dirt, some sand (for the Bedouins) and some ice (for the Eskimos) into gold, then everyone would be rich.

Doesn’t that sound like a great plan!?!

Well, not really.

Because it begins with a what if that just isn’t true.

Many plans that seem great actually can’t work at all for this reason: They start with assumptions that are not true.

An assumption I often get stuck on is: If people would do what they say they’re going to do. But that assumes people are rational. And people are rational, sometimes. But we are not purely rational creatures – we are much more than that. We are passionate and creative and wise and frightened, too.

Most of us find it hard to discover our own assumptions. And so we keep trying to make things happen, and get disappointed.

Are we getting disappointed, or are we being given lessons?

I think we’re being given lessons.

Whenever something doesn’t work, we can honor the disappointment and hurt. We can take good care of ourselves and heal. This lets us flow ahead with life, instead of getting stuck.

And then we can ask, “What assumption did I make?” If we ask that question in Loving Awareness, in inquiry free of judgment, with genuine curiosity, then Life becomes our teacher.

When we stop clinging in fear, we flow in life.

When we join the flow of our passion with the flow of the life around us, Life lives us. In this awareness and harmony, great gifts naturally arise.

People ask, “Why do you meditate?”

It’s simple, really.

I mean, why did my mom wipe down the toilet every day? To keep it clean!

The thinking, feeling mind naturally makes attachments.

And life is full of crap. I mean, just listen to what’s on TV. Listen to the news. And TV is an outer reflection of the mental noise in our society. And the news is the world that we, as a society, are creating.

Lots of nasty stuff washes through us every day.

And some of it sticks.

The more that sticks, the more sticky our mind gets.

Pretty soon we’re mired in muck.

The latest psychological studies show that, for most people, 95% of our thoughts are unconscious. And 80% of them are negative.

Boy, that brings a whole new meaning to the old phrase, “You have a dirty mind!”

There is an old Zen story with the punch line, “Where do you wash your mind every day?”

Meditation – Zen meditation – simply sitting in awareness and letting go of whatever arises – inside us or outside us – is how we clean the mind every day. (Now, there are other types of meditation, too. They bring wonderful light and color to the mind, help us make discoveries, and bring great things into our lives. But I don’t recommend doing them first. You wouldn’t buy a new dress or suit and hang it in a dirty closet – or put it on without taking a shower. So, first clean the mind! When it is clean and empty, then fill it with wonderful things.)

Start the day with a clean mind, and you are ready to lead your life!

“Our authentic truth is the only constant in life.” Kim George

Words cannot describe the truth, but we know it when we feel it. In American spiritual traditions, we often speak of “seeking the Truth.” Gandhi called his work “Satyagraha,” taking hold of the Truth.

We do not need to seek the Truth. Indeed, if we seek it outside, we will never find it.

We need to tune into the Truth inside ourselves. It is always right here, within our grasp.

But when we grasp the Truth, sometimes, everything else becomes quite shaky. Gandhi called this “heart-churn.”

C. S. Lewis, the Great Divorce, pictured Heaven as so solid, so real, and so sharp that we are like ghosts who can barely walk on the grass from the pain of touching this Reality.

The Light of Heaven is bright.

We are that Light. Truly, we are that Light, and also a deep Darkness that is equally powerful and beautiful. We are Sun and Clouds and Earth and all things.

Illusions block that truth, like clouds over the rising sun.

Illusions block our journey, like boulders in the path on the journey to the East. the Land of Dawn.

Illusions create delay, like a swamp we must cross.

But the authentic truth is as it is, shining from within.

Our hearts shine like the sun.

Last night, my wife and I saw The Yellow Handkerchief. It’s a re-telling of a centuries-old story of a man separated from his love. The most popular version was the 1973 song “Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree” written by Irwin Levine and L. Russell Brown and performed by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

The theme is that a man has been in the military or in prison, and wants to know if his wife will take him back. He set her free, but yearns to be taken back in.

And he doesn’t want to intrude.

So he sends a letter that says, “If you want me back, tie a yellow ribbon” or handkerchief, or whatever “round the old oak tree” or in some other visible, public place. He will ride by on a bus, and, if he doesn’t see the sign, he’ll just keep going.

She ties a hundred yellow ribbons round the old oak tree.

Why does that make my heart sing? Why did 3 million people resonate to the song when it came out?

I think because it puts, in long dramatic form, a need we feel every day. Several needs, in fact.

We all yearn for security and connection, and to feel worthy. Knowing we are loved provides all three.

According to psychologists, those are three of our five deepest needs. The other two are to feel autonomous and competent. And those two often work in opposition to the other three. To feel autonomous and competent, we may have to go away on a job, or to serve our time (in the military, or in prison).

In short, we want to be loved, and to know that we are loved, for who we are.

Many of us wonder if we will be received in loving arms every day when we come home from work. I know I do.

In my own life, a drama played out every week for six years as I travelled all over the country four days a week and hoped for good time with my wife on the weekend, each weekend. But she had her own issues, and I had mine, and we had ours, and the time often was not good. It left me wondering if I was loved, and if I was worthy of love.

We are still together, and long past that time. The marriage is healed.

But some of the pain lingers.

New studies show that people who have been divorced often have shorter lives. I think it is due to unhealed grief.

I think there is deep grief in almost every heart, and that, if we are  honest with ourselves, we can heal it. The Buddha taught that we are deeply aware of impermanence, whether we know it or not. All earthly love will end – either go sour, or one or the other of us will die.

And yet, we yearn to be loved.

I think the story of the yellow ribbon – like the story of Penelope receiving Odysseus home after the long war of the Illiad and the long journey of the Odyssey – touches a deep chord in each of us. And that chord is deep not because it is lifelong, but because it’s sorrowful sound is being struck every day at sunset.

May you have a home to come home to. May you receive and give love without hesitation, without ambiguity, without uncertainty.

May we all know that we are Home.

Background links:

• The history of the symbolism of the yellow ribbon
• Pete Hamill’s version of the story
• The story of the article and the movie

Clouds come and go in the sky. The appear from the invisible when water vapor cools. They disappear into nothing through warmth, or by raining themselves out. They have no control over where they move – they are truly at the will of the wind. The wind can even tear them apart, and push them together, so two clouds become one.

Clouds wander, aimlessly.

But – are they ever lost?

Does a cloud say, “I can’t find my way home?”

Does a momma cloud say, “I can’t find my little Cloudia?”

Does a cloud split into two by the wind say “I just had surgery,” or “I just got a divorce”?

Do two clouds blown together get a marriage license. Do they argue over property when the wind splits the cloud in two again.

Clouds live in the sky and are moved by the wind.

People live in consciousness and are moved by Life.

Winds have many causes. Hot and cold, wet and dry, ocean, sand, and dark soil, valley and mountain all shape the wind, as does sun and the spinning Earth.

Life has many factors – love, survival, fear, inspiration, dreams.

We are moved through consciousness by life as clouds are moved through the sky by wind.

We come together and we break apart.

And because we think we know who we are, we think we should be able to set our direction. But, as Jesus asked, can a man add an inch to his height by worry? No, we are as we are. We can make some choices freely. Others, we cannot control. What is, is.

Does having an idea of who we are and thinking we should be able to control what happens in life add anything but suffering.

Let me be clear. I believe in decision and determination. I believe in clarity, choice, and commitment. I’m not suggesting we pretend we don’t have choices.

I’m suggesting we don’t pretend at all.

Let us be worry-free as the clouds.

And as inspired as the wind.

Then we are open to the endless playful exploration of who we are in this world, this amazing world.

Life is a grand play. Nature, in her beauty, provides the grand drama. Humanity provides the low comedy.

We human beings are an amazing mix of the greatest of creation and sad, lost confusion.

As Shakespeare said, man is the paragon of animals. So one aspect of our greatness is that we have all of the greatest elements of animal nature. We can leap like a gazelle, see like an eagle, and run like a scared rabbit. We enhance these powers when we recognize our totems, or power animals, and learn and heal through living in harmony with nature.

The other great gift of humanity is our ability to be aware and appreciative. The world would be what it is without us, but it would not be so appreciated. To animals other than man, a rainbow is just a distant curve of light – only we see its seven colors. And only we can make myths and meaning of rainbows, dawn, and sunset.

Yet we also provide the low comedy. In our confusion and fear, which the Buddhists classically call ignorance, we create suffering and trap ourselves in it.

Where is the comedy in suffering? Where is the humor?

When we are lost in our suffering, there is nothing funny about it. Human suffering is the essence of tragedy, and, sometimes, horror.

But if we can step back and observe, if we can gain perspective and witness, we can take the drama more lightly. I’m not talking about laughing at the suffering of others, or laughing at anyone at all – not even ourselves. I’m talking about the laughter that comes when you thought you lost your keys and were locked out of the car far from home on a dark night, and you find the car key in your pocket. What is the key to the end of suffering?

In the context of our Greatness, “paragon of animals,” “creative children of the Creator” (Julia Cameron), our confusion and self-injury become ironic and comic. How can such great and wonderful beings as we are suffer so much? We are not like ducks waddling in the pond. We are like great eagles and swans who do not know our own nature, and act like awkward ugly ducklings. We are trapped only by our lack of awareness that we can, at any moment, lift our wings and take to the air in grace, beauty, and power.

There is humor in that. Mark Twain said, “Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.” Reinhold Niebuhr said, “Humor is the prelude to faith.” And whenever anyone received healing in Christ’s presence, he said, “Your faith has healed you.”

So when we step back and observe or witness, we are opening to wisdom and faith that has the power to heal.

More and more these days, I’m working on remaining in the witness. It hurts too much to get too close, then have to step back. I’ll watch the fire from a distance, rather than get burned and back away. But this stepping back is neither withdrawal nor indifference. True detachment is total loving presence without attachment. It is upekshya, equanimity, letting go of results while fully engaging with love, compassion, and shared joy.

The creators of The Dead Zone (the TV show) say they try to create each episode with a balance of horror, humor, and heart. I’m beginning to think that that is a way of living in this world, as well. But I prefer to just touch the horror, and to dwell in humor and heart.

“I once was lost, but now I’m found”

What does a human being do to end up lost? What are we lost in? And, more importantly, how can we find our true nature, and find our wings and take flight out of this mess of confusion and suffering we are so often lost in, lifting ourselves with grace, beauty, and power into healing, peace, and joy?

I was speaking to a friend – a Buddhist nun – today. She said, “She’s a dog. How can you prevent her from walking up hill?” Earlier, she had asked how she might get a relative to be less self-centered. So I replied, “She’s a human being. How can you prevent her from being self-centered?” The Buddha teaches that being born in a body naturally leads us to operate from our body as the center of our experience. This sense of a separate self is an illusion, and the root of all suffering.

A fish lives in water, and drowns without it. A bird flies in air, and falls without it.

A human being lives in Conscious Awareness, and suffers without it.

We find ourselves by stepping back into Awareness. We should do this weekly, daily, and even many times a day.

Or maybe we can learn to rest in Awareness and steer clear of – or at least laugh about – the confusion and suffering we fall into, magnificent beings that we are.

The Buddha teaches that all life is impermanent, and that understanding this is crucial to our letting go of suffering and leading a happy life.

Stephen Covey teaches that, to have an effective and successful life, it makes sense to be proactive – that is, recognize and use our freedom to choose – and also to begin with the end in mind.

What happens when we put these two together?

In the last two months, several of my coaching clients have answered this question courageously. It means to begin to live the lives we dream of, with power and joy.

Everything has a beginning and an end

“Everything has a beginning and an end” is a simple way of saying what the Buddha meant when he spoke of impermanence. That which comes together will come apart. That which goes away is likely to return. That which is born will die. The love that begins will end. The hatred and war that begin will end.

We live mostly in denial of impermanence

My coaching clients are happy, well-adjusted people. They are making their lives work. Even as they are already wonderful, they also want something better. In my view, they want to share the wonder inside them, to actualize it, to make it real. And you have the same wonder inside you.

And yet, like almost everyone – they – and me to, on bad days – live in denial of impermanence.

Over and over, if we read spiritual writing, we will see that an awareness of how short this life is calls forth an amazing joy, wonder, and gratitude that enriches each and every moment of our lives.

One friend, Viki, put it this way. A friend asked her, “Why are you so happy?” Viki replied: “I woke up this morning, didn’t I? Think about it!”

Thinking about not waking up

I assure you of a fact: One morning, sometime in the next 150 years, the sun will rise, but you will not wake up. Your body is impermanent, and it will be dead.

If you look at the world in a proactive way, if you feel yourself to be a free person with choice, that will stir in you an energy of action, even of joy. I have today! What will I do?

A number of my clients have taken a journey with me in the last three months. It’s a journey that some would find frightening. It’s a visualization of a key moment of the future – their own funeral.

I’ve taken this journey several times myself.

We visualize the journey of our funeral a few years from now to discover the life we want to lead between now and then.

Imagination calls forth the unexpected

For two of the people, very unexpected things came forth. In their visualization, the speakers at the funeral  were people currently in their lives, or people they could imagine coming into their lives.

And, after the visualization was over – later that day, or a few days after – they found that there was a major part of their lives that they hadn’t even known they wanted. One woman discovered she wanted to help women in need, and she imagined a life of service beyond the wonderful life of service to her family that comes with raising two children. The other saw that she wanted a life partner.

Other people I had the honor of supporting through this visualization found that they had reinvented important parts of their lives and relationships.

The key is awareness

Impermanence doesn’t change. Everything else does. That is the lesson of impermanence.

We can’t fix impermanence because it isn’t broken. It simply is.

What we can fix is this: Our avoidance, denial, and self-repression around impermanence.

The challenging fact that the Buddha wants us to see is that, without awareness, we are living in perpetual self-repression, being far less than we truly are. We are denying the truth that is obvious. That is not only the truth of loss, it is also the truth of life and growth.

And denial feels awful. It feels like drowning in quicksand, or like rotting in a swamp.

And life feels wonderful. It flows and grows. It is like a rich river near the ocean, with fresh water flowing, and a salt tide flowing back in response. And such a place is full of life and growth. All things die, but decay and illness are cleaned away by the rich flow of life.

Let us be aware that we are alive, and rejoice in it!

Choosing to wake up is choosing joy

Choosing to wake up, choosing to live a conscious life, is choosing a life of gratitude and joy. Life is full of energy, and we direct that energy to making our dreams real and solving our problemns.

Within us, we have all we could wish for.

Around us, we have dreams we have not yet realized. Let us become aware of them now, so we can make our dreams real in the time we have.

Around us, we have illness and confusion and problems in relationship. Let us become aware of them now, and solve them now.

Around us, we see a lot of confusion and suffering. Let us light the lamps of Love and Wisdom that are already inside us, clear the glass lens of our own mind. Then we live in clarity and share healing with those around us.

When we do this steadily, we live a life free of suffering, we live a life of gratitude, grace, and generosity.

Deep healing – rapid, even miraculous healing – is possible. In fact, healing is happening all around us and in us all the time. The body is a constant miracle, staying alive and renewing itself. Medicine – Western and alternative - offers many paths that bring  healing gifts to those who believe that they need outside support. And, on the emotional level, we are constantly growing. Sometimes, this is obvious, as when love blossoms. But even two people who seem stuck in misery together may be growing slowly, like an ancient tree. And even a withered stump can burst forth with new blossoms in the spring.

We cannot command instant healing with certainty. That would be magic, an effort to control from a place of fear.

Fear does not have the power to heal. Love heals. How do we dwell in love that brings deep and powerful healing?

I am living that question, and growing into the solution, each day. I believe the essence is this: When we simultaneously accept both our condition exactly as it is, and also our healed state, time vanishes, and the gap closes, and we move from illness to health.

The first step seems to me to be to really understand acceptance as a spiritual state of consciousness and as a practice.

Acceptance is not passivity. In fact, we accept everything most fully from a place of power. One way of saying this is: If God allows this to exist, I accept that it is here. It is not my place to judge. Or, without using the world God: This is. I accept that this is here.

Dan Millman, author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, calls Acceptance The First Law of Spirit. He puts a humorous twist on it: Everything is easier with acceptance, even our own resistance. Dan is making an important point here. An essential element of healing is to accept both what we do not want (such as illness, or a persistently hurting, angry relationship) and also the fact that we don’t want it.

Dan is definitely moving us in the right direction. Acceptance begins with accepting ourselves. We can’t come from a place of power by trying to accept in a way that denies how we feel.

We can see the transformational healing power of acceptance in the work of Mahatma Gandhi in India. Gandhi accepted the British as people, and did not want to hurt them. He also accepted, as current fact, that the British ruled India. He tried to help that government become just, and concluded, through experience and observation, that the British could not become just rulers of India. Justice left no alternative other than Swaraj, self-rule, an independent India. Gandhi saw that truth deeply, and accepted it.

He then lived the gap between The British Rule India and Justice calls for an independent India for 17 years. He lived it peacefully. He lived it unceasingly. He lived it patiently – he was willing to delay talks about Indian independence during World War II. And, through 17 years of fully accepting the social illness of unjust rule, and fully accepting the truth of the justice of an independent India, he made Swaraj a reality in 1947.

I am following this model in relation to each and every illness and conflict in my own life, and in the lives of those around me, each day, as best I can.

• I accept what is, including illness, pain, and conflict.
• I accept a vision of healing – of a healthy body, life, and relationship
• I strive to be patient, allowing things to unfold
• I strive to relax
• I engage fully when opportunity for healthy engagement arises

In every area of my life, in every relationship, things are moving strongly  towards transformation and healing.

And, every once in a while, it just happens – instantaneously – miraculously. The barriers fall away. The Light shines through.

In these moments, the slow, step-by-step process is not needed. There is a leap into healing. We cannot command this from our ego. But we can dwell in Loving Awareness, accepting both what is and our vision of healing, relax completely, and let miracles happen when they happen.

A Course in Miracles calls this closing of the gap in time between present suffering and the Peace of God a miracle. Some call it Spontaneous Healing. Richard Nelson Bolles says of that, “I’ve never seen anyone work so hard for something spontaneous in my life.”

He was referring to complete remission of Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I myself have witnessed and supported my wife Kris to near-remission of Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), which is supposed to be incurable. Teachers and healers I know and trust share stories of complete healing from cancer. I was a sickly kid for the first 48 years of my lfie, and my own body has grown strong and healthy without diagnosis or medicines.  Psychologist Lawrence LeShan published Cancer as a Turning Point after applying this approach and achieving a 50% remission rate from terminal cancer using psychotherapy alone!

Healing miracles are all around us. We are healing miracles. It is our birthright and our nature.

I hope you will join me on this wonderful journey of healing into life.